i am angry because you never loved me
if you never did then why did you ever pretend to. yeah, i fell in love with you but you put yourself out there, you dated me, i understand that things are so fucked up between us that they will probably never ever go back to normal and we will probably never be friends,
but what sucks is that we couldn’t handle this like civilized people and we couldn’t go grab a cup of coffee and i couldn’t let you know that im happy for you and i genuinely wish you happiness because i do…im just really angry and i try to make jokes and act like i don’t care but i actually do a lot.
im not in love with you anymore. something about finding out that kind of thing just makes you feel differently. if everything you ever said to me was a lie what to i have left to feel for. so. i guess theres that.
its weird because the less i see you or talk to you or interact with you its like you never existed. idk if i have numbed the pain or if i just stopped caring, i don’t know. i still care about you, but in a different way. why did you have to fuck everything up so badly. why couldn’t you just tell me that you never loved me and apologize and let it be that way. i wouldn’t have understood at first, but maybe later on i would’ve understood it. all i know is i never expected you to call me crazy or tell me to go fuck myself and it has to be the most painful thing i ever experienced and on the night that i finally blew up on you because its obvious you don’t give a shit what happens to me or how i feel or anything about me i cried myself to sleep in my sisters arms.
i guess thats why i feel nothing towards you anymore
and the point of writing all of this was to make me feel better that i never said bye but now i don’t even want to.